West River Eagle

Practicing acts of kindness cultivates compassion, inspires others to pay it forward

“As evidenced in countless acts of kindness, the wave of good action repeats itself as others observe the act and want to join in – as their own brain centers react to the good deed. It starts with one small act, and turns into a title wave. You can start one in your community today.” -- Christina Sarich


Snowed in on both ends of the street, my little family could drive nowhere after Winter Storm Europa hit this past Christmas. 


We were stranded, or had to travel on foot, and grocery shopping on foot was not something any of us looked forward to, although we well know there are many people who have no choice but to do so. 


Thanks to our friend Randy Swimmer, who was able to use his sister’s SUV to travel about town, we were able to get a ride to the store for a few essentials and a few extras. 


Swimmer was under no oblidgation to give us a ride, he just did it because we asked. 


When a few days later we were cleared out and able to travel, another friend, Tiffany Shaving called and asked us to give her and her daughters a ride back to Bismarck. Of course we said yes, and her uncles took them up there.  


I couldn’t help but think we were paying the kindness shown us a few days before forward. 


In the days following the storm, I saw many people doing similar acts — plowing neighbors’ driveways and walkways, giving people rides, pulling people out of ditches and snowbanks. 


According to one study in the journal Psychological Science, these acts of kindness, practical in nature or otherwise, are infectious because helping others causes certain parts of the brain to become active, and make a person feel good.


Helen Weng, who was lead author in the study published in 2014, said that the regions of the brain that involve empathy, or the ability to have compassion and care for others’ suffering. Showing compassion and consciously thinking and meditating that you want others to experience relief from their suffering also activated the part of the brain involved in regulating emotions and in positive emotions. 


With these two regions activated, people are physically rewarded by their brains for being kind to others — it makes them feel good. 


It seems they are also rewarded when they see others acting kindly, so when they see it, they like it, they do it, and all of that behavior is reinforced by the brain. 


In the article, “Random Acts of Kindness can Change the Brain’s Chemistry’,” written by Christina Sarich on the website Natural Society, Weng explains: “People seem to become more sensitive to other people’s suffering, but this is challenging emotionally. They learn to regulate their emotions so that they approach people’s suffering with caring and wanting to help rather than turning away. It’s kind of like weight training … we found that people can actually build up their compassion “muscle” and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help.”


In the study, people built up their compassion muscle best through meditation — meditating by thinking and wishing their loved ones to be well, and to no longer suffer. This meditation seemed to make the participants more compassionate to videos and situations in which someone needed help or helped someone else.


So in my case, it felt good to have someone help us, and it felt good to help someone else. 


There are some people who take advantage of a person’s help — granted — but when we help others, we feel good. 


Kindness is contagious, and it does not have to come with strings. If we always expect something in return, then are we really being kind? 


Samuel Johnson, an English writer who lived from 1704-1784, wrote, “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” 


The Christian Bible says essentially the same in Luke 6:34, “And if you lend money to only those who can repay you, why should you get credit?” 


In the Lakota tradition, generosity and compassion for one another needs to be shown without an expectation of equal return, but because we are all related — all my relations — care for one another.


Many people considered 2016 a terrible year, and many others fear that 2017 will be no better. 


While we cannot control the world around us, we can influence in ways that make it better. We can be kind to one another, and we can do so without expecting much if anything in return other than the feeling we have as a result. 


In the article, “20 Ways of Giving without Expectations” by Lori Deschene on the website tinybuddha.com, Deschene lists 20 acts of kindness that we could show and how we can check ourselves so that we are not attaching expectations to the acts. 


For example, one on her list is to “Give money you can spare to one who needs it and then pretend you never had it,” and another is to “Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.”


These subtle expectations can be stressful and cause negative feelings rather than positive ones when you keep that “score card” in your pocket — I lent you $10 and you have not paid me back, or I listened to your story, now you have to listen to mine, if not now, then when I need you to, or else you are a bad person. 


 When we harbor these thoughts, the act of kindness loses its impact and no longer creates good feelings, rather it becomes a burden, and a resentment that makes one feel as if he or she has gotten cheated. 


So it seems the rule of thumb with acts of kindness is that they need to be done not to your detriment, not when you do not have the spare change, or not when if you do it, it will threaten your livelihood. 


Acts of kindness should be done from the heart, without resentment or expectations, and when you know you are going to be OK — a few minutes late to a movie because you helped pull someone from a ditch, or going to a later movie would be an example. 


In our small community of Eagle Butte, and in other communities on the Cheyenne-River Reservation, we hear a lot of people complain about how terrible the life is here, or how terrible the people are with meth abuse on the rise, family and other disputes and accusations turning people against one another, but we often forget that we also have a town full of compassionate people who act kindly to one another without expectations, and we fail to recognize that the more often we are kind to one antoher, the more kind to one another we become. 


I asked people on Facebook to share their experiences of acts of kindness, and I received comments from people across the country. 


Starting with local stories, here are a few of the stories that people shared about their experience with kind acts. 




Mary Grass, CRST: 


Spirit was back on leave from training at Ft. Leanard Wood, MO. During Christmas break, it was just after the big snow, her dad and her were taking turns shoveling the driveway.  She had on her uniform as she just got back the evening before and had no time to get clothes from the Eagle Storage.


It was about noon and she went back out to shovel.  I peeked out of my little FEMA trailer and there were 3 other men that came to help her shovel.  It was shoveled out in no time!!!  Later we saw others in their uniform shoveling and helping others on our street.   (Darkside,  Sesame St.)


Thought I would share this.  It also shows that stereotypical ideas about different parts of our town are not all true.




Nadine Shaving, CRST:


I was behind an elderly lady at LTM, I noticed she was counting change for a few needed items, I told the cashier to go ahead and bag her items I will pay for them along with mine. So she did, and the elderly lady looked at me and asked if I was sure, I said if you need something else, get it. She said she wanted some bacon and bread, I told her I will pay for it. So the check out boy got her bacon and bread, and she was so grateful she hugged me. I just didn’t want to see her counting change. I felt good to help her, I prayed that someday someone may help me or my kids like that.


One day my kids and I were counting change to eat at McDonalds for breakfast, we stayed the night as my dad was admitted. We got to the window, and the lady smiled and said the gentleman paid for your breakfast in front of you. This work truck was pulling out, I never had the chance to thank him. So from that day, I have always tried to pay it forward.




Steven Gray, 


CRST at SRST Camp: 


The Protectors, the bus drivers, wood haulers, Vets and the Akicita for the camp, each group did their own acts at the camp.


The wood haulers spent many days driving and cutting wood.


The bus drivers hauled every day.


The Akicita, well we were the guys that made everyone safe.


We stopped cops, and bad crimes and got shot, batoned and sprayed for the safety of the people.


There’s a few of Akicita left.


But mostly it’s a free for all now since the Tribes letter.


Us as Akicita did alot till then. We are trying and have been for awhile now, trying to make our community traditional.




Karin Wambli, Pine Ridge:


I heard a Mom in the next aisle at Walmart dealing with a very upset, crying baby and another who was getting demanding. It made me upset to hear how she was getting really angry at them. I was near the baby section so I grabbed a couple toys and went around to the aisle they were in. I concentrated on the kids, distracting them and playing with them. I asked Mom if they could have some cookies and she said yes so I grabbed a package of them off the shelf and opened it up and we feasted for a few minutes. Mom had turned away and wiped her eyes and continued to compose herself. The demanding toddler offered her Mom a cookie and it was all over and everyone was okay. A couple of us had red teary eyes, but it was really all okay. She thanked me and I said no problem….been there. Left the cookies with them and took the package with me so I could pay for it. That good feeling stayed with me for a long time, hope it did with her too.




Nicole Jackson, Indianapolis, IN: 


I provided Christmas for a single mother and her 5 children. She works and does the best she can, but unfortunately she could not afford presents. Being a single person and I don’t have many to buy presents for this year, I thought I would pay forward this year. I have never known such appreciation in my life. The things they asked for were not expensive items….socks, underwear, and clothes. The boys eyes shined seeing basketballs for both of them. I also purchased cat food for one of the local shelters . They had ran out of canned food for kittens and elderly cats. So I provded them with three months worth. I am a huge animal advocate. 




Tina Pontius, Melbourne, FL:


I moved in the middle of my senior year and thus had no friends at my new school. I remember eating lunch in the lunch room by myself quite often, it was very lonely, until Mary Beckman, a complete stranger came and sat with me and ate, and we became very good friends. A simple act of kindness. Teach your children to eat lunch with someone eating alone in the lunchroom.




Marsha Abbott Dill, 


Key West, FL: 


I was at a restaurant. When the table opposite of me, the man started coughing , passed out, came back and started coughing again, checking, I got his arms up and popped him on the back, he spit up, chest was hurting bad, 911 came took him to the hospital. His wife and him was out of town, did not know the area, she was a total mess, so I drove her to the hospital . Stayed awhile and left. At least she was with him.




Tom Rust, Dade Ciy, FL: 


I helped my friend cut some large downed trees off his fence line. He has cattle. He has done a lot for me and I was glad to help.




Janeen Towne, 


Chinle, AZ, Navajo Reservation: 


I know this is a story about random acts of kindness, but none of these acts would be possible without the hand of God being in them. I know because He’s taken care of me just when I thought I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself. In January of 2012, I had come down with Bronchitis for the first time ever while living in Phoenix. I was in between pay periods, and I had taken time off from work, so I didn’t have much money in my account at the time for meds. My situation got pretty bad, and I had been prescribed an inhaler with a spacer, and when it came time to getting it, I ran out of money to get both. I don’t remember if it came with cough syrup too, but I was in the midst of explaining my situation with the pharmacist, and then an older woman stepped up behind me, and she offered to pick up the rest of the tab for me. I was so thankful to her. I wish I had gotten her name, but I knew God sent her to take care of me through her. I’ve had many other kind acts happen to me and because of me because being kind is sorely underrated and often misunderstood. God looks out for those who don’t expect anything in return.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *